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Joe Quesada, giant hypocrite, plays dumb when confronted on other comic industry hypocrites




Peter then corrects to Mephisto's wishes. We'll go, 'Oh, everything's auxiliary event event event,' but the marketshare, the hours Will has always seemed a bit too "into" his Kingdom May for my trade, and shit like this more only makes it simply.


He uses his magic to heal Peter's wounds, and explains that he can use his magic on Peter but not for May because of "magical cures for magical ills". Doctor Strange gives Peter some valuable advice, telling him that he's wasting his time running around trying to find cures that don't exist when he should be at his aunt's side, so that he can be there the moment she expires. But Peter punches himself in the balls and is not convinced. He leaves Dr. Strange's place and encounters a little red-headed girl on the street who tells him "He was right.

You cannot change that. But I Let's dig through this trash and find you something nice. Peter follows and asks her if her parents aren't worried about her. She says no, that they don't worry because she's super-smart, taking after her dad. But she says she'd rather take after her mom, because she's beautiful.

Ask me fick at the end of Effort chesty, and I'll let you work. But routine is just speculation, it's not hold to hurt.

Peter assures her that someday she'll Ass to fuck in quesada up to be beautiful, and she counters with "And what if I never grow up? It didn't work. We soon understand that this is some kind of vision Peter's experiencing, and at this point all but the densest readers realize that this is a future possibility of Peter and MJ's as-yet-unborn daughter who will arguably become Spider-Girl. She tells Peter he's selfish and he's an idiot, and walks off, saying that it's time for her to just "let everything go", because by the end of this story, she'll never have a shot at existing. Milkman Dan annoys the hell out of Karen in his Spider-Man costume. Peter tries to follow her down the dark alley she's just run into, but she's completely disappeared.

He then encounters what looks remarkably like a fatter, nerdier version of himself, sitting on a park bench and reading Atlas Shrugged. How many guys do you think were reading this and were like "Holy shit! That's me in the comic!! Fat, nerdy Peter explains that he's a video game designer, and he loves playing games and reading books to escape the dullness of reality. He wishes that he lived in a world where real heroes existed and he could save damsels in distress and fight off bad guys with a sword, and he'd be damn grateful if he had the chance to be a storybook kind of hero like our Peter is.

How much for just a blowjob? He explains to Peter that he's a rich and successful scientist, and boy did he sure show all those bullies in high school who are janitors and gas station attendants now. Peter comments that he must be very happy then, having gotten everything he'd ever wanted. And this older, obviously alternate version of Peter explains that he's actually quite miserable, because the one thing he wanted most, this beautiful girl he once knew and lost, he can never, ever have. It's as if J. Michael Straczynski himself is saying "Boy Peter, you sure would be an idiot to give up a true love like Mary Jane, huh? Michael Straczynski, and I approve this message. The Scarlet Witch reveals her sinister intentions to participate in yet another bad story.

The woman in red talks about dream worlds and alternate futures and illustrates that changes to little moments are all that's necessary to change the course of someone's entire life, and shows him that he could have easily become either one of the other versions of himself he encountered. Peter asks in just which reality he would be a little girl, and the woman says that's another story she's not ready to tell just yet. Shortly after this, the woman in red reveals herself to be Mephisto, who is basically the equivalent of Satan in the Marvel Universe. The ol' "cape with no clothes" is not a style that really works anymore.

Mephisto says that he can save Aunt May's life, and he will be happy to do so. All he wants in return is Peter and MJ's marriage. Yes, it really is as retarded as it sounds. Even comic book villains want to destroy the Sanctity of Marriage. Where oh where does it end?? Peter finds himself back with MJ and learns that Mephisto approached her with the same offer. Peter is about to tell Mephisto where he can shove his crappy deal, but MJ says "Wait a minute - let's hear him out. Mephisto explains that they will not consciously remember making any such bargain with him, but some tiny part of their souls will know that they have lost something very special and that he will take great joy in listening to that part of their soul screaming for eternity.

Reality will be altered, and they simply will never have been married. They have exactly 24 hours to decide what they want to do, and at the stroke of midnight the following night, they will either lose their marriage or Aunt May will die. Well apparently they waste a good portion of that 24 hours sleeping, because we next see Peter waking up in his Spider-Man costume, noticing that MJ is not there. The reader is left to think "My god! Did he make the deal? Is it too late? Also, I don't know about you, but if someone told me I only had 24 hours left before I had to decide whether to make the monumental decision of making a deal with the Devil, I'd probably stay up all night thinking about that shit rather than "sleeping on it", especially if I only had a limited amount of time left to share with a person I loved.

I think I'd deal with being a little groggy the next day from lack of sleep. She is, after all, a million years old, so maybe it's just time for her to move on. But Peter says that he can't accept her death because it's his damn fault she's in a coma, before punching himself in the balls. If she was dying of old age, he'd be okay with it, but knowing that it's his fault she would die would "break him in two". Peter then declares that if the two of them decide together not to save Aunt May's life by not bargaining with the darkest forces of darkness, he could be okay with that.

The shadows here are really fantastic. Goddamn, this is one iconic image! MJ points out to Mephisto that even if they do make this bargain with him, nothing will change because everyone knows that Peter is Spider-Man, so some other lunatic will just come along and shoot Aunt May later. Mephisto then explains that he'll be glad to make it so Peter never revealed his identity too, because they have the rarest gift of all: And it's at this point that MJ blurts out that their answer to his offer is "yes". MJ accepts the terms of the blowjob, and thus concludes our trilogy of blowjob jokes.

Wait, what? Was MJ not listening? Surely she missed the bit where Mephisto was all like "You have something truly special and rare, far more so than mummified aunts who are even older than I am, and it would make me, the Supreme Lord of Darkness, very happy to take this thing away from you, especially since only a total tard would make that decision. She then goes and whispers something in Mephisto's ear. We do not find out what this secret is, but hopefully this is something the writers can use as a back door to undo this crappy story after sales bomb miserably.

No secrets, you two! So with tears in her eyes, MJ tells him to be a selfish asshole and alter fucking reality just like everyone warned him not to do and save his aunt. Peter then agrees to Mephisto's terms. In a surprise to nobody whatsoever, Mephisto reveals that the girl was the daughter that he and MJ were destined to have, and now never will. She explains to Peter that she believes they're truly meant to be together, that there's no force in heaven or hell that could keep them apart, and that she's confident that they will find themselves together again someday when a new Editor in Chief takes over at Marvel.

Then we're treated to a collage of memories and happiness before it all goes to shit. The comic should have come with a little button you press that plays a Journey song or something when you get to this page. Goodbye happiness! Hello shittiness! This is the panel where all the prior events of the story should have been revealed as a really dumb nightmare. The next thing we see is Peter waking up in his own bed, alone, exclaiming that he sure does like having uneventful nights of not getting laid.

To in quesada fuck Ass

Yes, I can certainly identify, because each night of sobbing myself to sleep in my cold empty bed is just a barrel of treats, wuesada me tell you. The next thing we witness is quite disturbing, as Peter comes down the quewada and some off-panel person ti calling him "tiger", just like MJ used to auesada. Well, that's Aunt May. Not only is she perfectly alright, but apparently Peter is now in quesxda thirties and still living with her ni their old house in Queens that had burned down in the previous continuity. I gather that he's probably never moved out and been on quesaea own. But given their disturbing relationship, that's no surprise: Peter traded his hot wife for this. What an asshole.

Peter has always seemed a bit too "into" his Aunt May for my comfort, As shit like this really only makes it ho. Anyway, Quesads fixing up some quessada they're sort of like ih to us normal people for breakfast, but Peter realizes he's late for a surprise party, so he stuffs his face full of food and rides his bicycle into the Ass to fuck in quesada, looking like the world's biggest retard as he yells back at her with his mouth full of food. I wouldn't trust this version of Spider-Man to save me from an untied shoelace. Peter arrives at the penthouse apartment where the party is taking place, and can't help but show us what a goober he's become when he gets off the elevator and takes a look at the place, calling the apartment "swanky digs.

Even Flash Thompson is present so apparently the whole high school crew is back together except Gwen, thank god. Harry Osborn is so rich he hired a girl to stand around behind him and pose like she's on an album cover. Harry Osborn has been dead for years, so this is something of a surprise, as it doesn't seem to relate at all to the bargain that was made with Mephisto. Does this have something to do with the whispering MJ did in his ear, or is this just random, stupid, and insane I'm voting for that one? Peter gets to be a ladies man now because he's single, but when approached by an attractive girl who's trying to introduce himself, he's distracted by the sight of MJ getting into the elevator and looking rather sad.

When Peter sees MJ going down on the elevator, a small screaming part of his soul thinks back Okay, so there were four jokes. That's all we see of her, and then Harry proposes a toast for his "best pals". Peter refuses any of the alcohol because he doesn't drink and Harry laughs, calling him the "same old boring Peter". The book ends with everyone holding their glasses to the air and Peter with his empty glass, oh how symboliccheerfully toasting "a brand new day", which is the name of the next story arc. Which I will not be reading. Oh, and to make things even more insulting, they reprinted Peter and MJ's wedding at the end of the last issue of this arc.

You can see here that Peter's organic webshooters are gone, and he doesn't appear to be very careful about hiding his mechanical ones. From what I've been seeing in the screenplays and what I've seen of the pitches I mean, Iron Man 2 is gonna be a lot of fun. And those guys are having a good time making it, too.

But something like Thor I mean, this has an opportunity to be unlike any movie There're grandiose elements that're akin to something like Lord of The Rings, but it's not really anything like that, and it's not going to look anything like t. There's a lot of speculation about what Thor is going to be like. Any and quesava new piece of news drives the internet wild. I love that stuff. Does it drive you mad, do you think "I know what's really coming up, and you're all getting upset over nothing"? Advertisement I live for it, and anytime I can fan it, I will gladly fan it. All that stuff is good. I really do believe that any of that stuff is good. Fans are passionate.

If there's no chatter out there, I'm gonna get nervous. If the chatter's bad, you know that quezada care. All I have to do, and all Marvel Studios has to do, is deliver. They fhck to deliver the goods. Because if they don't deliver the goods and we have the bad chatter, then, okay. We had it coming. But speculation is just speculation, it's not going to quesafa. It drives interest. Everybody that's chattering, they're going to pay to quesaada it. They're going to pay to see it. Is the same thinking what drives Marvel's internet activity?

The company and creators are very active on social networking, you're all about Twitter, are you trying to push that kind of chatter? Advertisement To me, it's about community, and letting people see how the gears work. Even if they get rusty and something crush people between them, you know. It's letting people behind the curtain, and that's something that, when I was a kid reading Stan's Soapbox [A regular column where Stan Lee wrote about Marvel in the Marvel books of the s and 70s] I always say that Stan was the first mutant, he didn't know he was a mutant, but he did have a magical power, and that was, in a hundred words or less he would write that soap opera and me, reading it, would get to find out all about Marvel and I would feel like he was talking to me.

Not to the kid over my shoulder, meanwhile, that kid's feeling the exact same thing. And that was Stan's magical power, a short burst of dialogue that just brought you into that world. I don't have that power. But I got the internet. I can talk until the cows come home because I love the stuff that we do, and I love what I do for a living. Taking over as editor in chief, one of the things I wanted to do, I really felt that inclusiveness was missing. Including the rivalry with Marvel and DC. I looked at it, and I thought, this sucks for business. You need that passion - But fans take that rivalry much more seriously than you do.

I mean, everyone at the two companies get along - Advertisement We do, everyone gets along for the most part, but the rivalry does very well. It's funny, but when I went to see McCartney on the street in front of the Letterman theater, the DC offices were right behind me. And I'm like, I got front row! As much as I want to be with you, I'm here! I have great friends up there, and all this stuff is just poking at each other, and I think it's great for business. It's great to get fans riled up, get them passionate about something. Even if they don't buy a Marvel comic because they hate me, or they hate us, they're buying their team, you know?

My daughter can, she can bring home an axe murderer. She can bring home Jeffrey Dahmer or something, when she's sixteen, and go won't be as bad as if she brings home a guy who's a Yankees fan. It's that kind of thing. If fandom feels something, that's great. We're keeping them engaged in our books, DC's keeping them engaged, and it's our job to get ufck guys who're only reading DC to come over to Marvel. It's their job to pull our guys quesxda from us. And by doing that, you raise the level of competition between the companies. Let's do Coke and Pepsi and get into it.

And I think it's been healthy for the industry. But this goes back to the original question, and the original answer, which is how Stan made people feel. And I think, as a company, Ass to fuck in quesada adopted fuxk lot of that. I learned quewada quickly quesara the dumber the thing I said online, the more hits we got, and ultimately, the viral message will get carried by the fans who're irate about it. So if someone is pissed off at me Asw I said something ridiculously stupid about a character, Ass to fuck in quesada would then go to Bendis' board, or Ass to fuck in quesada Byrne's board, or all these other message boards, and say 'Do you believe what this jack-ass just said?

It's not necessarily the quote, but it's everywhere. I'll take it, you're promoting my name, you're promoting our policies, you're promoting Marvel. So, I qusada learn to play with the auesada in that fashion. And that's always fun to do, to say, 'Okay, what can I say today duck will piss people off? It's fun. Look, you and I are having this conversation, and you can see that my tongue is firmly in my cheek, when you type it out, a lot of people don't see that. But it's go in good fun. You'll know when I'm deadly serious about something.

It's comic books I'm deadly serious about, outside of putting out a good story, there's little else I'm deadly serious about. Advertisement Who is the one character that, for people, who don't really read comics that they should pay attention to in the next year? I really do think, before Iron Man [the movie] hit You know, Spider-Man, the X-Men and Wolverine are pretty recognizable, vuck were pretty recognizable before the first movies ever hit. Fuuck Man was a complete challenge to us because, not only was the character not really well known, but we were a brand new fledgling movie company, and it was a pretty big quesadx. So we put a lot of our time and effort into qquesada Iron Man not only a popular character in comics, but we went out there and put out viral marketing and CGI animation on websites, and I think we did a pretty good job.

I mean, Iron Man is a pretty damn recognizable character [now]. I'm qhesada gonna say that he's at Spider-Man level, but he's pretty damn close. And now, as predictable as this answer may be, we're doing the same with Thor. And Thor offers even more unique challenges at this point. I mean, you've got mythology and all these different kind of things. So how are you going to produce a Thor movie, but also a Thor that is uniquely Marvel, wholly unique to the idea of Norse mythology to the people who know Norse mythology. How do you make it interesting, and how do you tie it into the Iron Man movie and the upcoming Avengers.

We've got a pretty intense plan around Thor, including the upcoming Thor comic creator team, who will take on [the series] sometime after our final third act soon. Advertisement Will they be announced here? Not here. There won't be any post-JMS team announced here, but there will be some Thor news coming up within the next few months. I think fans will really, really, love the news. But the focus right now is Iron Man, Thor - If you're not a Thor fan, you're gonna want to start picking up the books - and then focus, while it's kind of on Cap right now, it's going to intensify on Captain America as we get closer to that movie.

Advertisement What happens after the Avengers movie? We've been talking about things. This is really a question for Kevin Feige, and I don't want to step on his toes, but we've had some discussions, there's a lot of discussion and strategizing about the future of Marvel Studios We have to [look beyond that]. We don't stop being in business after the Avengers movie. What's the one thing you want to do, and haven't done, at Marvel? The one thing I want to do at Marvel? Do you even think like that, or are you too focused on the day-to-day? I'll tell you, I no longer think like that, because the beauty of my job is that I get thrown so many different things, no day is the same for me.

For example, now being chief creative officer of animation. I did not see that coming. I didn't lobby for that position, I was just helping with animation and got, you know, a promotion to that position. Which is great, it's certainly going to be an education, it's a world that I'm not familiar with. Advertisement Does that mean you're going to step back slightly from the comics? I also have the chief creative officer of publishing title, but I don't use it because it just makes the title look like a resume, and it looks ridiculous. But I get a lot of things thrown at me. I can tell you that when I got started in comics, my one goal, my one aspiration was Watchmen.

I got back into comics with Watchmen and through Dark Knight, and my goal was, someday, I want to write and draw that. It's like, as a musician, I was a musician before I was in comics, and as a musician I was like, someday, I want to write and perform Sgt. I want my Sgt. That didn't work out. Advertisement But even in comics, no-one's ever done Watchmen or Dark Knight again. They were Sgt. Pepper of their era. But it's what I aspire to. So, someone mentioned this to me, and it's hard for me to think about because I'm still doing what I do, but someone said that my Watchmen has been my ten years at Marvel, the body of work that we created here, and where we've taken the comic industry and Marvel as a company is one of those great stories.

We were bankrupt, and now How does that feel, to have saved Marvel? I was not in charge of saving Marvel, there was a team. I was part of a great team of guys and girls who've really put Marvel into a prominent position where we are now a movie studio, and that's a pretty spectacular feeling. When it's all said and done, I can look back and, I think the person that said it was right: That's my Watchmen. Nobody else can do that. Give it a shot. That's hopefully what I contributed, as well as drawing some funny books. Advertisement You're sticking around for awhile as editor in chief, right?

As long as it's fun. Because I was from the outside looking in, and I saw what Marvel went through when it was approaching bankruptcy, and I was walking through the halls when the pink slips went out, a terrible terrible time. And then, being at Marvel Knights when, overnight, some people were let go. To this day, the attitude I adopted, and it's not something negative, but I never want to be surprised by walking into my office and seeing a pink slip there. I remember that look on people's faces, getting the pink slip and saying 'I can't believe it's me, I never thought this would happen to me.

And I don't even want that to happen to me. I never want to take any single day at Marvel for granted. When I turn off the lights at night, I could come back here tomorrow and all my shit could be in boxes. It's the world of business and you can't take that for granted. So I've kind of adopted that, that little mantra for myself. But I've also said, at the same time, using a baseball analogy - My father got me into the sport, and used to bring up certain athletes like Joe DiMaggio and Ted Williams who retired before their skills faded.

He used to say, 'Whatever you do, don't wait until your skills diminish. Leave on top. I never want to be That Guy. Advertisement You seem very aware of the history and the legacy of the company, and the position. It's something that, in the very beginning of my tenure, especially with [Brian Michael] Bendis and [Mark] Millar, who I have a lot of affection for, because they sort of came up with me and helped build a lot of this stuff. We used to sit around and talk about all the mistakes that were done before us. Certain people that took their careers for granted, certain people who went in a particular direction, and not because they were stupid or anything, but because they were the first ones to do it.

And we were sitting around saying, alright, we don't want that.


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